dots and lines.

Graduation. It's so freakin' close. After four years of college, somehow it's finally time to walk across the stage for a handshake and a several thousand dollar piece of paper. 

As I think back on my college experience,  I can safely say it was time well spent. It's funny to think how many lessons are wrapped up in these few years and how many people are now bundled up in this story. However, as the countdown begins, I am not the only one in a pensive mood.

Today I got an email from my dad. Thinking it was probably some kind of reminder to file paperwork or to get my car checked, I didn't think twice about opening it. What I got instead took me quite by surprise! Dad had titled it "Highland", the daycare my sisters and I went to before starting school. In his email he talked about how just this week he went back there for some kind of concert they were hosting. He said being there brought back all kinds of memories about walking me to my classroom, and how he also remembered my last day there. Dad said he remembered watching me walk across the parking lot, how I was a "big girl" and didn't have to hold his hand that day. 

Even though my dad and I don't always see eye to eye, I have always known that he's the one to go to when I need help. Even after arguing with him, after showing my most rotten, ugliest self, I can go right back to him and apologize and cry and he'll just hold me and tell me everything's alright. He's known me from before I was born, he's watched me in my joys and in my lowest points, and through it all he's had the particularly toughest of jobs of learning when and how to support me but also how to let me decide how to be.

God's seen more of the backstory for all of us than we'll ever be able to comprehend. He sees the dots and the connections between them, and He is lining things up to make a more wonderful and complex picture than we can even imagine. He is always beautifully supporting us while at the same time allowing us to make some mistakes. I know it's true to say "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27

Dad ended his email by saying this: "As you rush off to live your life don’t forget that my hand is now and always will be there to hold when you need it." I know you mean it, Dad. Trust me.

"Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along."

Job and Janine.

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:20-21 (ESV)

Over the last few weeks I've been reading through the book of Job. Please keep in mind that I am in no way a biblical scholar, and that the following post reflects my thoughts and interpretations. Quick synopsis: Job was a good man, he did all the right things, and yet God did not hold Satan back from taking away Job's wealth, his family, or his health. Job goes from on top of the world to the bottom of a pit in next to no time.

In reading Job, God has been teaching me some things about suffering. He's reminded me that NOBODY is good apart from Himself, no matter how "righteous" we may appear or how many "good" things we do. Though Job himself was a righteous man (Job 1:1), he still was in no way perfect. God's also been showing me that if we, like Job's friends, limit our understanding of God to One who brings pain to those who do wrong and bless those who do right, we limit our view of His love. NONE of us deserve anything from Him - we are all deserving of death, yet God freely gives us life! Our hope while on this earth is in the promise that these sufferings are all ultimately temporary and that our promise is Heaven, of finally reaching completeness.

Fast-forward to present day Zimbabwe: Janine Roberts, a missionary in Zimbabwe for the past five years, has been in the process of adopting two girls. With the recent shakeup in the government, Janine was unable to extend her visa and had until January 11 to prepare to leave. Leaving meant uncertainty in ever being able to adopt the girls because, although the adoption has gone through in America, there has been a hold-up on the Zimbabwe end. Janine, this amazing servant of God who had given up all things to move far away from all things familiar just to follow His calling, was being forced to give up the chance to ever really be with these girls. Janine loves God, does all the right things, and yet she was losing her daughters and having to move from this place that had become her home.

Even though Janine is such a wonderful servant, she's still not good. She still falls short of God's glory. Like the situation of Job, it would be easy to sit back and say that Janine doesn't deserve this. But in doing that, we are missing the point! NONE of us deserve ANY of the good things that God blesses us with. God longs to freely give us all things, but that does not mean that we will not encounter hardships along the way. One of the most difficult things to accept is that most of the time we will not understand why we go through hard times. “Why do bad things happen to good people” is a hard thing to try and explain. The fact is, we live in a fallen world. But Jesus encouraged His disciples by saying this: “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

Over the past few weeks, much prayer has gone up for Janine’s situation. Yesterday, the day she was preparing to leave, she got word that her visa has been renewed for A YEAR. Right at the last minute when all hope seemed lost, Janine received a huge blessing! Throughout this whole situation, as people who don’t even know Janine have been in prayer for her and her daughters, God has been doing something that we may never understand. This story of faith will serve to lead others to know God better wherever it will be told.

If you’ve held out this long, I promise I’m almost done! Essentially, this is the lesson I’ve been learning in all of this: God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. “For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) I hope this story blesses those of you who have read it and that it increases your faith in God and in the power of prayer.

Check out Janine’s blog:

http://www.hopeofzim.blogspot.com

“Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along.” 

listen to the music

"Oh, we got to let the music play." - The Doobie Brothers

For Christmas this year, I was given a record player. Wassup! It was one of those "didn't really ask for it" but was kind of secretly wanting one, and was extremely surprised Christmas mornin' to discover this beautiful wonder with a big red bow waiting for me.

After moving back to school this week, one of the first things my gracious roommate and I did was move a few things around (feng shui, anyone?) and voila! Instant record player space in our living room. Now, I don't know how many of you guys still listen to your old 45s, but for those of us who grew up in the iPod generation the concept of a record player is a new one. You have to slowly let down the needle onto the vinyl (as my mother explicitly instructed) after carefully placing your poison  onto the turntable. You have to get up halfway through to flip to side two. In all respects, listening to records is more of a hassle than most would want to put up with.

And perhaps, the "hassle" is half the fun. Something about this record player falls nicely into thoughts that have been floating around my head lately about learning to take things slow, learning to work harder or to wait a little longer for something good. I don't think we realize how sped-up our lifestyles are, how everything is built for "convenience" or "for those on the go." Turn on the tube and just listen to the number of references that commercials make to how much easier their products will make your life. We learn (from society) that if it takes longer than five minutes to make or five days to get here then it's not even worth it. All of this is so contrary to the teachings of the Bible about patience! Life's not about getting through it; life's about enjoying these moments... About catching fireflies... About making homemade pizzas... About listening to music.

Last night as I curled up in our newly relocated armchair, I simply sat and listened to the music fill the room. For once, it was not background noise.

"Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along."

do JUSTICE.

Over the past few months and through many in-depth conversations and various research, one thing has become more obvious:

We have created the world in which we live in. We ask for slave labor, for chemicals in our food and personal care products. We choose to poison our planet with waste. And many of us do it every day with the simple swipe of a credit card.

That's right, WE have done this and WE are doing this. Why do the things listed above exist? A lot of it has to do with greed, with never having enough and never having it fast enough. The better question, however, is WHY ARE WE ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN? It all goes back to asking questions.

Until about six months ago, I would have called myself "aware." I used a canvas tote when shopping to avoid the need for plastic bags. I got upset when people didn't recycle their cans and bottles or left trash on the ground. I got frustrated hearing about children in sweatshops around the world and even threw a dollar or two to a good cause now and then. Even with all of this, I was contributing to the problem much, much more than I was helping, and all because I was not asking the questions that mattered. In fact, I was not asking questions at all. How do super corporations like Walmart and Target (yes, Target) afford to sell things so cheaply? Where does the food I buy come from, and what conditions are they grown in? Who made these clothes, and how did they arrive at the air-conditioned stores in which I shop at?

When we refuse to ask the questions that matter, we contribute to the problem. By purchasing things that are grown with dangerous chemicals, that contain GMOs, that aren't made efficiently enough to last more than one or two years, we are telling companies that this is what we want. By going to McDonald's instead of a farmer's market, we are saying that "Yes, I'll take food that is absolutely terrible for me and the planet, and I want it fast." Everything, from the clothes we wear to the coffee we drink, can seriously hurt people.

As a Jesus-follower, it's part of my calling to care for PEOPLE and CREATION. One of the simplest ways to do that is by choosing where I shop and what I buy. Sounds easy, right? BECAUSE IT IS!!! With a little simple research, we can all become more conscious of the long-term effects of the things we buy and hopefully will put that knowledge to ACTION. 

As part of my new year's resolution, I'm resolving to strive for justice. One of the verses God has shown me lately is Micah 6:8. The verse says: "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." 


Want to know more? Start with these links...
http://www.storyofstuff.org - Check out The Story of Change video
http://www.betterworldshopper.com - THIS WILL SHOCK YOU. FO REAL.



"Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along."

courage, child.

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality."

-C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

“But courage, child: we are all between the paws of the true Aslan.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle






Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along.

literacy.

this morning i have an eight o' clock class that i truly enjoy getting up for. 

it's SPE 400, a class that teaches about teaching children with special needs. it's one of those rare classes that the teacher goes beyond the text, that we DO more and THINK more and LEARN more than if all we did was look at a slide show and take notes.

today one of the graduate students gave a presentation on literacy, on incorporating writing into the classroom. she had us start by relaxing our mind, then for five minutes writing down things that came to us. she emphasized to just write, not to think or plan and be fake. after some sharing of ideas, we drew with crayons and some blank paper canvases the things that came to our mind. it was so soothing, to drag that pacific blue crayon across the page, to see the deepness of the color come alive. realized this morning so much of a story has been brimming at the surface of my soul for a long time and all it took was a little prodding to get it out of me, to draw back the velvet curtains and let the warm sunlight expose all the doubts and fear and heartache that was swept so much into the corners.

as the words came freely from the pen in hand, the boldness of the ink began to make the story a reality. it was about a night long ago and far away, with more emotion than i had even fathomed. a night of realizations and sorrows and regrets, of finally cherishing the moment at hand and trying hard to not let the day to come creep into our midst. writing it all out, putting color to the faded images, was almost too much to bear. i wanted to cry and dance and laugh and bend over in pain all at the same time.

and then the class was over, and we walked out of the door with our backpacks slung over our shoulders, each to his own path. each to finish writing his own story.


"Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along."

When I Drink.

"It's the only way to keep that last bit of sanity 
Maybe I don't have to be good but I can try to be 
At least a little better than I've been so far, 
Oh, at least a little better than I've been so far."
-The Avett Brothers, "When I Drink"