lessons in love.

God has been teaching me so much lately.

After the summer, have been realizing that while at college I clang to the familiar and only pretended to delve into things that were different, only skimmed the surface of relationships that could have been deeper. This year, have been determined not to do that.

It all kind of began with moving off campus. Yes, this year five of us ladies are living in a house rented out to students involved in the Wesley foundation! Although I know all of them, I could only honestly say that I was close to two of the girls. Moving in a week early allowed me to get to know the other two girls better, through conversations and cooking and prayer.

As school began to get started back, God continued to provide me with opportunities to spend true time with people who had before not really bothered to try and get to know because I already had a "group of friends," not feeling as if I should invest in other people. How foolish this mentality was! God has such a creativeness, allowing each of us to express an ego, a self, and to do so in such a way that imperfectly reflects His image. Cutting myself off from potential relationships was severing my chance to see God and to love as He calls us to. Thank You Lord for giving more grace, for not leaving me in that rut!

With that being said, there are several people who He has obviously called me to love this semester. It was so hard before because I was relying on myself, trying to draw on some fictitious source of love that existed in me apart from Him. As God called me to love more, began to see that this was going to be quite impossible without His help (duh!) and that the only way to pour out was to know the Source. He's been teaching me to call on the Spirit, God within, for help and strength.

It's been hard for sure. Although it has been AMAZING to experience these new, deeper relationships, at the same time it's hard to feel more distant from those who I used to feel closest to. And now is the kicker: contentment. God's been teaching me more and more to let Him in, to see You, Jesus, as my Friend and Companion. I am never alone, never deprived of One who knows me more intimately than I even know myself. Growing closer to You, Jesus, has been a beautiful and difficult journey, but for the first time it feels real. You are showing me more and more how to love, how to be loved, how to live. Most of all, am learning how to cherish time with You and to simply be in Your presence - to truly seek You above all else: above other people, above my to-do list, above what I'll eat or do next.


Comfort has come from:
Matthew 6:34.
the story of Mary Magdalene.
numerous Psalms.
"Spanish Pipedream," as covered by The Avett Brothers.
"Farther Along," by Josh Garrels.
Some advice from a dear Friend.



Dear Lord, please keep tearing down these walls as You alone see fit.




"Further Up, Further In, and Farther Along."