It's a new year, a new day, a new hour. Yet what brings me to blog tonight is something of old, something that has been packed away in a neatly labeled box in the attic of my mind...
A postcard started the whole thing. A simple rectangle: blue, unassuming. To anyone it would seem like just another piece of mail. And, truth be told, it is. Except at the same time it's not. The letter was patiently waiting on my dresser when I got home from school yesterday. It was unexpected, really. I thought that I would never get another piece of mail like this again; yet, there it was, clearly addressed to me. The message was a simple one: "You are requested to pray for Happening #7 on Saturday, April 21 from 7:00 pm to 7:30 pm."
As I read those words for the first time in it seemed like ages, something inside me stirred. The contents of that carefully packed away box began to rattle, and a few years of dust took to the air. You see, the Happening is a weekend retreat for students in high school. You go through once, and then you can be on staff. This retreat was a big part of my life for a really long time, and there is absolutely no way to explain how the Lord used it to save my life. If it wasn't for the Happening, I don't even want to think about who I'd be right now.
As I sat down to pray tonight, memories came flooding back; the box was open once again. As I prayed over the list of Happeners, the Lord reminded me what it felt like to be there. He reminded me of how it felt to be loved by complete strangers, how it felt to be so taken care of that even though you don't know what's going on you don't really care because you can trust that it will be for your good. He reminded me what it felt like to be on staff, to be down to your last but that it was those times when He really shined through. He reminded me what it felt like to cry openly, to pray, to sing joyfully and freely and boldly for Him, perhaps for the first time without any other care but to worship my Savior. How could I have forgotten these things? Why would I ever shove this away, cram this in some mental cardboard box as if that part of my life was over?
I felt like Simba in that infamous scene when he talks to Mufasa in the sky. Mufasa says, "Simba, you have forgotten me." Simba responds with, "No. How could I?" Mufasa, in all his wisdom, replies: "You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life."
Tonight I was reminded that I am who I am now because of God, plain and simple. He has taken many things in my life and used them to shape me. He is the Potter, and I am the clay, simple dirt and water. I must never forget what He has done for me, how much I will always be in need of Him, always "falling on my knees, offering all of me," because He's "all this heart is living for." He's the One I must run to when I'm broken. He's the Healer, the Great Provider, and He NEVER fails.
Lord, please help me to live in a constant state of brokenness before You. Please let me never be a forgetful hearer, but when I do forget, please bring me back to You. Amen.
"Further Up and Further In."
