abiding in His love.

Recently I've begun a journey back to Jesus.


This is not of my own power, because it was in fact myself that created the distance between us and hindered our relationship for several weeks. It hurt to be so far from Him and not understand why, to wake up and pray and read the Word and to not feel like we had encountered each other. 


Finally God woke me up from my self-delusions, made me realize that if I really wanted to find Him again then I had to fully seek Him. All of my prayers had been rushed, distracted, un-centered, and time in His Word had been more out of habit and an effort to put a bandage on our relationship instead of what it should have been. To come back to Him, I had to remember who He is.


It took reading the words and story of Jesus found in the book of John, beginning with the foot washing, to really start this process. For the first time in ages it felt like His words were alive, and the Spirit revealed so much to me about Jesus. To see the way He always pointed to the Father, how He always credited everything to God and how His whole purpose was to glorify the Father, was so beautiful. Jesus has often been someone I look over somehow - instead focusing on God and His power and the Spirit and His counsel. To read with fresh eyes the story of Jesus and to truly see His unending love broke a hole in the wall that was between us. He is the Good Shepherd, He sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold. 


This morning in prayer realized that right now I'm supposed to be preparing myself to be His bride. After spending most of yesterday with a close friend who is about to get married and thinking about how so many other of my friends are in serious relationships or engaged, on my mind was my future husband and also on a boy who I used to think would be the infamous "one." All of this is not what my focus should be. 


Jesus has been my friend, my protector, my comforter. He has known me in ways that no one else in this present age knows, He has always taken care of me and listened to my struggles and rejoiced in my times of gladness. I'm tired of giving my heart away to people and to things that end up leaving me empty. Jesus is calling me to surrender to Him, to experience true life. He is my Lord and provider. He says, "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love," (John 15:9). 


Abiding in His love. Just to think of it is peace. To abide in His love makes me feel whole, complete. 


"Further up and further in."