To hear this quote for the first time is not enough to understand it. You have to hear it more than once for it to really mean something, for it to take root in your mind the way Wendell Berry meant it to.
It's an excerpt from "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front," in case you were wondering. This summer was the first time I'd ever heard this, though Berry's name had been a familiar one for some time now. We were gathered together for the last book study of the summer, sitting cross-legged in a circle on the grey rug that had the faintest odor of feet and dog, but not in an unpleasant way. At the end of the general discussion and a wrap-up of what had been covered over the past few weeks, our program director said he had something to share with us. He began to read this "Manifesto," this string of words that weighed much more than the paper they were printed on.
It's about a lot of things. It's about fighting conformity, about investing in more than stocks, about loving the Lord. It's about not being afraid to make mistakes so long as you learn from them.
A few weeks ago at a weekend retreat I was reminded of these words. After being in school for so long, my life had reached a dull, mind-numbing repetitiveness. My life was dancing to a pattern that I had cut out for myself; I could see the rut but could not see how to get out of it. While at this retreat was blessed with just what was needed: Silence. No voices in my head telling me what should be doing, no schedule screaming at me to go here or there. Just silence. The Lord spoke to me, showed me that my complacency was pushing me to the verge of apathy, the stealthiest sin of them all. He showed me that what was missing was growth, and that my relationship with Him had been struggling more than I had even known. He showed me how to start growing again, and PRAISE THE LORD that He continues to teach me each day. He has taught me to live expecting to learn.
Not long after this retreat, I got a package. It was a manilla envelope with my name on the outside in careful handwriting, the letters a familiar script. Inside was a note from my program director, short and to the point, but still with so much of his personality seeping out of the black ink that I couldn't help but smile. He had burned me a few CDs, "old school like," with some advice written on them in brown permanent marker: "Be like the fox who makes more tracks than necessary, some in the wrong direction. Practice resurrection."
This morning the Lord reminded me that He has given me a great gift! He has bought me again and set me free. This life He's given me is not to be wasted. It's not to wallow in sin. It's not to be content being a bum. With the Lord's help I will indeed be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11-12), but I will not waste this life.
"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." Philippians 3:12
Paul goes on to say that he presses on and "reaches forward to those things which are ahead" (v.13) to "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (v.14).
With the Lord's help, I will practice resurrection. I will live a life that screams the freedom He has so freely given. I will make mistakes, but they will serve "to mark the false trail, the way [I] didn't go."
"Further Up and Further In."
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