"Be like the fox..."

"Be like the fox who makes more tracks than necessary, some in the wrong direction. Practice resurrection." Wendell Berry


To hear this quote for the first time is not enough to understand it. You have to hear it more than once for it to really mean something, for it to take root in your mind the way Wendell Berry meant it to. 


It's an excerpt from "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front," in case you were wondering. This summer was the first time I'd ever heard this, though Berry's name had been a familiar one for some time now. We were gathered together for the last book study of the summer, sitting cross-legged in a circle on the grey rug that had the faintest odor of feet and dog, but not in an unpleasant way. At the end of the general discussion and a wrap-up of what had been covered over the past few weeks, our program director said he had something to share with us. He began to read this "Manifesto," this string of words that weighed much more than the paper they were printed on. 


It's about a lot of things. It's about fighting conformity, about investing in more than stocks, about loving the Lord. It's about not being afraid to make mistakes so long as you learn from them.


A few weeks ago at a weekend retreat I was reminded of these words. After being in school for so long, my life had reached a dull, mind-numbing repetitiveness. My life was dancing to a pattern that I had cut out for myself; I could see the rut but could not see how to get out of it. While at this retreat was blessed with just what was needed: Silence. No voices in my head telling me what should be doing, no schedule screaming at me to go here or there. Just silence. The Lord spoke to me, showed me that my complacency was pushing me to the verge of apathy, the stealthiest sin of them all. He showed me that what was missing was growth, and that my relationship with Him had been struggling more than I had even known. He showed me how to start growing again, and PRAISE THE LORD that He continues to teach me each day. He has taught me to live expecting to learn.


Not long after this retreat, I got a package. It was a manilla envelope with my name on the outside in careful handwriting, the letters a familiar script. Inside was a note from my program director, short and to the point, but still with so much of his personality seeping out of the black ink that I couldn't help but smile. He had burned me a few CDs, "old school like," with some advice written on them in brown permanent marker: "Be like the fox who makes more tracks than necessary, some in the wrong direction. Practice resurrection."


This morning the Lord reminded me that He has given me a great gift! He has bought me again and set me free. This life He's given me is not to be wasted. It's not to wallow in sin. It's not to be content being a bum. With the Lord's help I will indeed be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11-12), but I will not waste this life. 


"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." Philippians 3:12


Paul goes on to say that he presses on and "reaches forward to those things which are ahead" (v.13) to "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (v.14). 


With the Lord's help, I will practice resurrection. I will live a life that screams the freedom He has so freely given. I will make mistakes, but they will serve "to mark the false trail, the way [I] didn't go."


"Further Up and Further In."

Sun, sand - and Caribbean baseball?

What's the best remedy for a whole lotta school? Why, to load up in a van with some of your soon-to-be closest friends eva and head down to the BEACH!


Thursday afternoon the borrowed church bus pulled into the parking lot of Seashore United Methodist Assembly. We were on fall break, and so the Wesley foundation at Southern was hanging out on the Mississippi coast for some fellowship, Spiritual renewal, and service! After settling into our rooms, we immediately crossed MS Highway 90 (frogger, anyone?) and hung out at the beach until supper time. The Lord blessed us with absolutely BEAUtiful weather! Since it was the first day, we just hung out and shared what each of us expected to gain from our time here. The camp director, Ms. Suzanne, gave a devotion focused on Isaiah 58:7-12. Talked about how so often our posture is not open, how we walk around campus with our iPods plugged in and our defenses up. We prayed to be more open with each other, to be more open to what the Lord would be teaching us. After a bonfire on the beach and some star gazing, we headed back to some cozy sleeping bags with the hopes of getting some sweet, sweet rest for the day ahead! 

Ladies walking on the beach...

Boys working on that fire. 

Friday was a fresh beginning. Got to spend some quiet time with the Lord pull the sun up over the ocean water. Again we met as a group and prayed over the day's work. My team, (Team Green) and Team Blue were assigned to help prepare a house for demolition and also to repair a long, chain link fence that ran across the back property line of Seashore. Admittedly my first thoughts were that I would rather have gone with Team Yellow and been able to minister to the homeless, but the Lord had a LOT to teach me, and thankfully He opened my heart to what He was whispering. 


Now, I've done work in the yard before, but repairing a fence was a whole new ballgame. The first thing we had to do was cut all of these little vines off before we could do much else. As I was working by myself on one section of the fence, occasionally getting pricked by those spiky vines that work themselves in amongst the others, to be honest I was frustrated. Why don't we just tear this whole section down and put in a new one? Why are the few of us out here doing this work while the other teams are having fun? Blah blah blah negativity. Hellooooooo! Thankfully the Lord moved in my heart and said, "Audrey, this is the work I need you to do. You are here for a purpose, and the work you are doing should be done joyfully! Do everything without complaining. A bigger picture is being painted." 


Thank YOU Lord, for not allowing me to wallow in self-pity, for showing me instead how to find JOY in the little things, and to take the time to get to know the others on my team. Thanks to God and His greater plans, the people on my team were able to bond with each other and spend time learning things about one another that we hadn't known before. We were able to work together and restore this broken fence, to help beautify a place of worship, to make Seashore assembly the light in the darkness that it has been for this community after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.

Catherine, myself and Jenny

The rest of the afternoon was fun as we worked together to complete the fence and to begin organizing a shed on the property. After a hard day's work, we all came together again for worship in the tiny chapel. We had a time of sharing about what each group had done that day. To hear of all the work that was accomplished and how the Lord had used our short time here to build and strengthen community within our group was so beautiful. We sang together and took communion. We used a special bread that we had made together earlier that morning, a further example of the many members coming together to form one body. Standing in the chapel with our little Wesley community on each side of me was so humbling. We were here, together, worshipping and serving the Lord. So what if we were all a little dirty, with sand in our hair and grime on our face? What mattered was that we were gathered for a greater purpose, to glorify the Lord.

Miranda and I climbing trees!

That night we ended up on the beach again to play endless rounds of Bunny Bunny, Big Booty, Caribbean baseball and catchphrase. The night ended with our group sitting together and thanking the Lord for His many blessings and for all that He had allowed us to experience over these few days. Being able to pray to our great God who binds us together added to an overflowing cup. 



Overall, the whole weekend was restoring. We developed community with each other and got to see the true colors of ourselves away from the pressures of school life. Recently I heard someone say that the best way to build community is to work together for a common purpose. This weekend, the Lord showed me just how true that statement is. Our Wesley community grew together because we were working to show the love of Christ to a community that needs it so badly. All of our different flavors blended together and came out a delicious bread, the Body. 

Alberto, our fearless leader!

Patrick, Alex, Victoria and Harry doin' work

"Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily, 
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.'"
Isaiah 58:7-9




"Further Up and Further In."

The Wesley Community.

Who Are You?

Thought that going off to college would help me figure out who I am...

...but in this I was wrong, at least to some degree. All this time I've thought that once I finally transferred to a four-year college I'd feel like I belonged, that I'd feel like I was a part of the school and would proudly cheer for "my team."

Oddly enough, the football games I'd been looking forward to going to so much really haven't been that big of a deal. Screaming for this team just doesn't mean what I thought it would. I don't have a desire to dress in school colors or to shout "To The Top!" after every first down, it's the weirdest thing! Why don't I feel like an "Eagle?" Why don't I care about this school as much as I'd always thought I would, as much as I'd been looking forward to?

Walking across campus this afternoon, the Lord showed me that what I'd been hoping to find in this school was an identity. All of this time I've been looking for something about this school that defines me, for something that says, "This is IT!" He showed me that it's too late for that - I've already found my identity, and it's in Jesus Christ. Cheering for the football team seems pointless compared to the relationships that could be developed with all of the lost people here. This school is not my identity; instead, it is the mission field the Lord has placed me in to do His work and to build community. 

This is my GEWW (Golden Eagle Welcome Week) Group...
praying that the Lord will keep working in their hearts and will allow me to be His witness to them! 

In Galatians 2:20, Paul writes:

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

The Lord is my strength and my song, He is my Rock and my refuge in times of trouble. Each day the Spirit is teaching me to live in Him instead of in the flesh. This is a journey, not a destination, but thank the Lord that He is patient and that He will never leave. 

"Further Up and Further In."

"Nature's First Green is Gold..."

When do we transition into adulthood?


When is it that we walk past the guy in the wheelchair? When do we have too much to do on the weekend, can't afford a spontaneous road trip? When do we lose touch with close friends? When is it that we can walk down the sidewalk on a beautiful September day without being amazed at God's creation? 


Walking on campus today, God struck me with these thoughts... College students though we may be, we are the ones who know how to live. Though the world takes so much, still we find just a little more to give. We have no time at all and yet all the time in the world for a friend in need. We are filled with a rare and strong passion for life. Things that have no value by some standards - a letter from a friend, a hug, a warm conversation - are the things we most treasure. We have nothing but know how to make the most of it. Still we see the good though so often we are immersed in the bad. We are moved by pain, by joy, by love. We are the outlines of a story; we are just presently beginning to see where we fit into this world. We are united by a desire to be different - we dare to face this world with a bold and brazen hope that somehow it can be changed for good.

We are the green sprout of life daring to grow among the barren soil... 




"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12




Dare to be the sprout that, with the strength of the Spirit, exemplifies what love the Father has for His world.


"Further Up and Further In."

"By learning you will teach, by teaching you will learn." - Latin proverb

So I just got back from our orientation for observing in the classroom this fall, and a mix of emotions are whirling through my being...


As our class of teachers-to-be gathered outside the high school office, all dressed in our professional best, it was almost comical to look around and still see the students in us. Though we were clothed in dress pants and shirts, it was really hard to see that we weren't all just college kids full of anticipation.


Our instructor walked up and led us into the building. We took seats in the library and listened as the school counselor described what to expect from the school itself.


Next the principal spoke. What she had to say was invaluable; she has had many years of experience teaching at all different levels, and she gave it to us straight. She shared how this job is not an easy one, how we don't just clock out at 3:30. She said if we are in it for the money (HA!) or the vacation hours, then we really need to reconsider this. She said that this is truly a calling, that if we are not here because we love kids and really feel like we can make a difference, then this is not the right place to be. 


What she was saying was so true. After years of watching my mom teach algebra, it has never crossed my mind that this is just a profession. I have watched my mom get up early - WAY too early - to finish grading papers or writing her lesson plans. I have seen her leave early to get to school and stay late after just to meet with students who are having trouble. Mom has always been that teacher that goes above and beyond, the one who buys little certificates to make up random awards so that each of her students could feel recognized on awards days that usually only apply to those who excel academically. She makes sure to attend every sporting event and every band competition that she can as well as balance a family at home. 


The idea of teaching has been one of ministry ever since the Lord revealed to me that this is the path for right now. To seek the students and get to know them is the part that draws me to teaching. Actually "teaching" is a different story! How in the world am I going to get a bunch of high school students to learn Biology? Most of them are taller than me, and most of them dress better than me too! 


"They need good biology teachers." That's the response that every single adult who's ever asked me what I'm doing with my life has given me. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? What makes someone a good teacher? What if they don't learn? What if my class is the one that they despise, what if I'm not able to engage all of their different learning styles? What if that one child with bad behavior won't listen to me? 


Right about now God is telling me to hold up. If He's brought me this far and provided a way to go to school, if He's opened the doors for me to get into the right classes and given me the chance to be a camp counselor, He's been preparing me for this for a whole lot longer than I realize and in more ways than I realize. It is not of my own power that I'll be teaching but it will be the power of the Holy Spirit within me. 


Today the Lord shared this with me through a devotional book "Jesus Calling":


"On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives - giving up or relying on Me." 


...and my dear Friend shared this verse with me:


"Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand." -Philippians 4:5.


Teaching is not simply a job. God has called me to teach, and far be it from me to try to do this on my own! This is God's plan, and I have never been more sure of that than these past few weeks of teaching classes. This is going to be tough. Probably am going to want to quit. But in knowing that this is GOD's plan, that this is the story HE is writing, is comforting. I am not the one who will be the teacher but it is He who is in me. Choosing to press on (Philippians 3:12), to rely on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit...


"Further Up and Further In."

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

Dear LORD, You know everything, and I know nothing.


That was my lesson today. After wandering around campus this morning with the "plan" of what my day should be like, He had a different set of circumstances in mind. Intended to get up early, spend some time in the Word and in prayer, intended to have time to run to Target and pick up some last minute school supplies, intended to go to my classes and enjoy my perfect schedule. Thankfully God had things His way instead.


After praying for a little while but not truly feeling that beautiful state where it's just you and the LORD, felt like walking around a bit and exercising that prayer muscle in motion. Ran into my friend who is bound to a wheel chair and only able to speak through a device that allows her to type out her words. She indicated that she needed some help finding where her classes would be that morning, and since my first class wasn't until later it worked out that I could help her. 


As we were traveling across campus and making friendly conversation, I was amazed at the kindness of other students and their taking the time to speak to her and help her with things she dropped. Saw how brave she has to be to attend a university and how much spunk she had, how it was truly she who was teaching me about being genuine and willing to ask for help.


After our trek across campus, ended up at the Wesley and spent some time in the student chapel there. It is a truly secret and quite place, peaceful, simple painted walls. In reading Ezekiel saw the people were sobbing over their iniquity, devastated at the way they had failed. Realized that is the way I need to be over my sins, need to be truly sorrowful. 


At this point God began to reveal to me that HE knows everything, while I know nothing. He is greater, so much greater that creatures are constantly praising Him night and day, crying "Holy, Holy Holy," (Isaiah 6:3). Constantly need to be in a state of humbleness, aware that God alone knows everything. 
This awareness was brought about again later in the day, when after attending just one class my teacher made it known that we all needed to be enrolled in another which conflicted with my schedule. Suddenly I had to call my advisor, figure out what needed to be done, figure out what new book I'll need for this mystery class. God knows everything, I know nothing. This is in His plan, and just gotta trust that all will work according to His purpose and seek to fulfill it wherever it leads me. 


Thank You Lord for taking plans and breaking them. This is Your life, not mine. Please let it glorify You in every way!


"Further Up and Further In."

all about a smile :]

"A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give."
-- Author Unknown


"Further Up and Further In."

abiding in His love.

Recently I've begun a journey back to Jesus.


This is not of my own power, because it was in fact myself that created the distance between us and hindered our relationship for several weeks. It hurt to be so far from Him and not understand why, to wake up and pray and read the Word and to not feel like we had encountered each other. 


Finally God woke me up from my self-delusions, made me realize that if I really wanted to find Him again then I had to fully seek Him. All of my prayers had been rushed, distracted, un-centered, and time in His Word had been more out of habit and an effort to put a bandage on our relationship instead of what it should have been. To come back to Him, I had to remember who He is.


It took reading the words and story of Jesus found in the book of John, beginning with the foot washing, to really start this process. For the first time in ages it felt like His words were alive, and the Spirit revealed so much to me about Jesus. To see the way He always pointed to the Father, how He always credited everything to God and how His whole purpose was to glorify the Father, was so beautiful. Jesus has often been someone I look over somehow - instead focusing on God and His power and the Spirit and His counsel. To read with fresh eyes the story of Jesus and to truly see His unending love broke a hole in the wall that was between us. He is the Good Shepherd, He sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold. 


This morning in prayer realized that right now I'm supposed to be preparing myself to be His bride. After spending most of yesterday with a close friend who is about to get married and thinking about how so many other of my friends are in serious relationships or engaged, on my mind was my future husband and also on a boy who I used to think would be the infamous "one." All of this is not what my focus should be. 


Jesus has been my friend, my protector, my comforter. He has known me in ways that no one else in this present age knows, He has always taken care of me and listened to my struggles and rejoiced in my times of gladness. I'm tired of giving my heart away to people and to things that end up leaving me empty. Jesus is calling me to surrender to Him, to experience true life. He is my Lord and provider. He says, "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love," (John 15:9). 


Abiding in His love. Just to think of it is peace. To abide in His love makes me feel whole, complete. 


"Further up and further in."

numero uno

So, this is the beginning of an experiment. Many times have found that getting words onto paper has helped sort out the complexities of life and allowed me to see GOD's hand in all of it. With this in mind, it is time to see how well this method works with a keyboard.

This beginning appropriately coincides with the beginning of a new phase in my life: Movin' out. Big deal, right? Actually, it is indeed for someone who has lived at home for the first two years of her college career! Time to spread these feeble wings and soar down this new path which God has breathed.

With this newfound freedom, God is reminding me that "..you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." -Galatians 5:13.

Freedom, true freedom, is only found in Christ. Let us use this gift as God has called us to!


Until next time, may we all continue "Further Up and Further In."